Last night was the season finale of the Jersey Shore. If you’ve been living under a rock for the past few months then you may not know about the Jersey Shore. It’s a reality TV show produced by MTV (who else) surrounding the lives of 8 self proclaimed guidos and guidettes living in a beach house in Seaside Heights. It’s absolutely terrible, probably the worst TV show ever made and that’s bad considering The Hills has a dozen spin-offs. But in its odiousness it is actually pretty brilliant. It’s like watching a sex show in Amsterdam featuring a midget and a half-ton chick. You don’t want to watch, but you’re absolutely absorbed by the horrific scene in front of you.

I also watched a horrific scene unfold in the Leafs game last night against the Lightning. No point talking about a loss that has a dozen identical games. Either they get blown out huge or lose late in gut wrenching fashion. Where’s the intrigue?

In honour of these two monstrosities I’m unveiling the most vacuous post you will ever see on this site. I’m going to attempt to analyze each Jersey Shore cast member and find their Toronto Maple Leafs counterpart. Have I undertaken a task too large? Have I completely lost it? Watching the Toronto Maple Leafs play this season has done this to me.

Enjoy.

You see what I did with that title? That’s the type of literary genius that will get you job offers from the Toronto Sun. At least this post will have better grammar and fewer boobs than the average Sun column. I also contemplated naming this post Monster of a Situation as a thinly veiled segue into discussing the Jersey Shore. Unfortunately, that title didn’t make as much sense, so you’ll have to wait to see which Toronto Maple Leaf player is most like Snooki. Not even the Sun would print that. Luckily this is the internet and you can find anything and everything compared to the Jersey Shore.

Where is this going besides revealing my intense fascination with New Jersey's beach side? I’m trying to discuss the Leafs goaltending situation and the potential solutions available to Brian Burke.