A week after going 24:33 minutes without a shot in a loss to the New York Rangers, the Leafs were back to their low-chance ways against New Jersey last night, managing only 13 shots.

Amazingly, the Leafs won. But what's truly amazing is that this wasn't abnormal for the team. The Leafs have been consistently outshot and outchanced all season, yet they continue to find ways to make their shots count and pick up wins.

The performance has come as a shock to many, but none more than those who ascribe to advanced statistics.

But despite its name, advanced stats in hockey aren't all that advanced.

The NHL season starts on Thursday, which indicates my life is close to regaining meaning.

I'm too excited, there's no time for coherent intros. Let's look at the Leafs' forwards, defence, and goaltending, describing them in one word (and then if you're unsatisfied, many words).