Bad News Berezins

As you get older many more and more things begin to take increasing importance in your life: family, work, house, dogs (I will begrudgingly list cats as well), etc. It's perfectly understandable if you have less time to devote to fantasy hockey, so I get it if life gets in the way of researching sleepers or developing a killer draft strategy or learning how advanced stats can help win your league. But no matter how little you pay attention to fantasy hockey, the one non-negotiable area of your life you absolutely cannot neglect is your team name.

Luckily, I'm here to help. Or, more accurately, my friend Mike is here to help. Below is a list of the best of his 2014 creations. I have added a few that were floating around the internet, but these are probably 95% Mike's creations.

So although your kids may take the No. 1 spot in life's priorities these days, after naming little Katniss or baby Apollo, there's not much more important than naming your fantasy hockey team.

If nothing on this list suits your fancy check out all the fantasy hockey team names from 2013, 2012, 2011, and 2010. As always, feel free to add your own creations or anything else you find in the comments below.

It's hard to ease back into regular production after posting a dramatic, emotionally-charged coming out story. So to make the transition easier I'll post something that goes in the exact opposite direction—the world famous Fantasy Hockey Team Names list!

Unlike in previous years, I actually didn't have to scour the internet for many fantasy names this time around. That's because my friend Mike (who usually provides a healthy number of the names) went wild this year, sending me probably 95% of the names listed below. He has a gift.

If you somehow can't find a name that tickles your funny bone from the many below, be sure to check out the fantasy hockey team names from 2012, 2011, and 2010. And if you're looking for a logo that strikes fear (and laughter) into your opponents, make sure to check out my bad Photoshop skills.

Kriss Cross: A terrible rap group named after a terrible hockey player.

In the quest for fantasy hockey superiority, you need to spend time studying sleepers, obviously, and everyone knows a kick-ass name will help too. But a seemingly undervalued aspect of creating a fantasy hockey juggernaut is outfitting your team with the type of logo that strikes fear (or, more accurately, laughter) into the hearts of your opponents.

Here is a sampling of my (bad) Photoshop efforts to create a logo/avatar for different fantasy hockey team names. I will take requests in the comment section if you are brave.

Bieksa and I Know It: No team name is complete without a terrible Photoshop

Follow Five Minutes For Fighting on Twitter and Facebook! And read the list of 2013 Fantasy Hockey Team Names.

Studies show that how well you do in fantasy hockey is directly related to how creative and funny your team name is. The funnier your name, the better you will do. It's science. Don't question it.

With that in mind, you better pick a great team name this year. But here's the secret: You don't actually have to put much effort into a great name, just refer to this year's handy list of the best fantasy hockey team names.

I do not claim to have thought of all of these myself, but like a homely librarian, I have done my curatorial duties and amassed a list of the web's best for your own personal use.

If nothing on this year's list suits your fancy, you can find the list from 2010 here and 2011 here. There is sure to be something that you like.

So, in keeping with tradition, here is this year's list of the best fantasy hockey team names. Feel free to post your own suggestions in the comment section.

The exact moment Down Goes Brown decided to use comedy to ease his pain.

Sean McIndoe, better known as Down Goes Brown, runs the funniest blog on the internet.

Of course, he's long since graduated from being simply a blogger. His work has appeared in The National Post and Grantland; TSN often has him live-blog or tweet through an event, such as the rebroadcast of classic international games; and he is a frequent guest on radio and TV spots (including an episode of The Agenda in which he debated concussions with Ken Dryden).

Now he's gone totally mainstream with his newly published book, The Best of Down Goes Brown.

It isn't a stretch to say that Gary Bettman isn't well-liked among fans. Case in point: Every year fans boo Bettman mercilessly as he hands the Stanley Cup to the winning captain. It doesn't matter if the home team won either, fans just love booing Bettman. They can temporarily put aside their euphoria over winning the cup.

Bettman also hasn't found many friends in the media. It isn't as obvious as a cascade of jeers in front of a national TV audience, but by examining the pictures reporters use for their stories, it's clear they aren't fond of the NHL commissioner.

Almost none of the pictures used make Bettman look serious. In fact, many of the photographs are so utterly comical that you'd think the piece was satirical. Wrong. Most of the following photos come from actual news stories.

This article originally appeared in the February issue of Puck Life, which was then solely a digital magazine. It has since gone to print and can be found in Chapters book stores across Canada. A year's subscription gets you 40% off the cover price! Wow, you'd have to be a fool not to buy that. And just wait, I'll even throw in my love. Ok, sales pitch over.

I've made only minor updates to the piece. One was making fun of people who take Phil Kessel in the first round, which has thankfully become a non-joke this year! Huzzah!

Fantasy hockey is blowing up in popularity. It combines some of the things men love the most: sports, gambling, and making fun of each other.

Whether you’re playing fantasy hockey with a bunch of friends or a group of strangers on the internet it’s likely you’ll encounter certain types of people. Here are six types of people who probably make up your league.

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Last year I compiled a pretty comprehensive list of all sorts of fantasy hockey team names I've found over the years in various leagues, message boards, and random surfing on the web. My friend Mike added a bunch of gems he came up with as well. You can find last year's list here.

But, as you can imagine, a year is a long time to scour the internet and rack your brain for other clever (and stupid) things to name your fantasy team. Sure, that year could have been better spent doing a lot of other things, but I'm here to help you make your friends laugh, so I've amassed another set of names to help you.

Because, as always, no one should feel the shame of a lame fantasy hockey team name. You might not have the best roster, and you might finish in last, but at least you'll get a few laughs. And, ultimately, isn't that what fantasy sports are about?

No? They're about money? Okay, well read my post about sleepers then.

For the rest of you, onto the names!

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Training camps have started and the regular season is only a few weeks away. Not only does that mean the start of hockey season, but it also means the start of fantasy hockey season.

Fantasy sports embrace everything nerdy, yet involve sports, so they somehow get a free pass. There’s little difference between fantasy sports and Dungeons and Dragons. Getting killed by a goblin in the Temple of the Frog is just like drafting Johan Franzen in the first round and seeing him tear his knee in the first week of the season. (Note: I had to google that Dungeons and Dragons reference, so there)

As if becoming hyper-involved in a fake sports team isn’t bad enough, there is the very serious business of naming your team. It’s not enough to just name your team, but you need to have the right name that creatively incorporates something hockey into a well-known pop culture reference. It's essential.

I admit I boringly used Blades of Steel last season (after the Nintendo video game). I’m not gifted with this particular trait. To compensate I have scoured the internet for the best team names I could find. I procured most from message boards or previous leagues I have been a part of, so I make no claims of ownership.

However, my friend Mike has the astounding ability to create some of the most clever and hilarious team names I have ever seen. He’s been generous enough to throw me a whole bunch of suggestions which I have added below to what is a (growing) list of fantasy team names for general consumption. Because no one should feel the shame of a lame fantasy hockey name.