During my time at university, my friends Jake and Tom wrote a hockey version of Space Jam titled "World Heroes". It was so much more than that simple description, however.

It was a big hit among our friend group and made its 1500-word debut on Paul Maurice's Wikipedia page, where it lasted a few days before someone took it down. It was a constant topic of conversation, an endless source of hilarity, and even the inspiration for Halloween costumes. It eventually spawned a Facebook group that surprisingly attracted people who weren't in our friend group and consisted of people arguing over how badass a fictional Paul Maurice really was. He was much more badass than that fictional Chuck Norris, for the record.

I recently found the original story on my computer and just had to share it. Now, this is a period piece. There are players that made the alien-battling squad that seem laughable today, but it was written around 2006, so keep that in mind. Also, the roster was almost constantly changing and tongue-in-cheek at times; for example, at one point Roger Federer was playing defence. So, if you argue that so-and-so should have made it, then you're missing the point.

Aside from some minor grammatical changes, the story is the same as it was originally written.

We're over a week into the NHL lockout and the lines of communication between both sides has pretty much disintegrated.

Bill Daly said today that he hopes talks will resume shortly. Well, if you're one of the heavy hitters during negotiations don't you think it would be helpful if you picked up the phone and scheduled something? Don't be afraid of making the first move, this isn't a middle school dance.

So as the outlook becomes bleaker every day it's time to start preparations for a long, protracted vacation from the NHL. But that doesn't mean a vacation from hockey. There is plenty to look forward to this season, it just won't be happening in the NHL.

Check out a list of some of the things to look forward to over at The Good Point.

Slap Shot has been the undisputed heavyweight champion of hockey movies for 35 years, but a worthy challenger has finally dropped the gloves to lay claim to the throne.

Goon, out on Blu-ray and DVD now, is the latest from Canadian director Michael Dowse (Fubar), and bears many striking similarities to the beloved classic Slap Shot: it's violent, crass, and downright hilarious. Almost as important, it gets hockey right, something most hockey movies struggle mightily to achieve.

Just slightly over 17 years ago Sports Illustrated ran a cover story that proclaimed the NHL was hot, while the NBA was not. Yes, at one point hockey was cool in a mainstream way.

The New York Rangers just won their first Stanley Cup in over 50 years. There were major stars in all the major American markets: Wayne Gretzky in LA, Mark Messier in New York, Mario Lemieux and Jaromir Jagr in Pittsburgh, Jeremy Roenick in Chicago, Steve Yzerman in Detroit, and Cam Neely in Boston. It was a good time for the NHL.

It was such a good time that newly appointed commissioner Gary Bettman continued aggressively expanding the NHL into non-traditional markets. It seemed like a good idea at the time (well, as long as you weren’t Canadian and violently opposed to such things).

What happened next was a decade of decline. 

One of the more interesting parts of the Olympic hockey tournament is seeing a bunch of old NHLers playing back on North American ice. Really my interest in this all stemmed from seeing Ziggy Palffy back in action. I mean anyone named Ziggy is interesting, right? I just had to know where some of these players ended up. Sure, there are the big names like Jagr and Forsberg who the media talks about relentlessly, but what about some of the less heralded players? Where are they? I haven't heard Ziggy Palffy's name in 5 years. Maybe he's a Slovakian movie star.

Looking up all this information also brought me to the realization that there are a ton of ex-NHLers scattered around the world still focused on living their hockey dreams and doing very well for themselves (just not NHL well). Maybe it’s my West-centric view of the world, but after anyone leaves the NHL I just assume they’re achieving mediocrity. My bad.

I’ll save that post for another day, but it will certainly involve Mikael Tellqvist, who according to Wikipedia was traded from the KHL to the Swedish Elite League. Is that possible? If so, it’s pretty cool.

Anyways, here are some former NHLers you will see during the Olympic tournament and where they are playing these days.

August 9, 1988 is a day that will live in infamy for Canadians. It marks the day that Oilers GM Peter Pocklington sold Canada’s favourite son, Wayne Gretzky. It was a trade that literally shook the nation to its core. If hockey is a religion in Canada (pretty much) then Wayne is Jesus. People sent death threats to Pocklington and he still hasn’t been forgiven 20 years later, especially by the residents of Edmonton. Poor Edmonton, the city Wayne practically founded, has spiralled into a meth and hooker binge that it has yet to recover from (or so To Serve and Protect would have me believe).

Kings Ransom is a documentary by Peter Berg (Friday Night Lights) investigating the development and culmination of the biggest trade in sports history. What other example can you think of a transcendental player being traded during his absolute prime (Wilt Chamberlain maybe)? It’s part of the ESPN series 30 for 30, which is a set of documentaries celebrating ESPN’s 30th year. These aren’t necessarily the 30 biggest sports stories of the past 30 years, rather, they are 30 stories that 30 prominent directors were compelled to make. This gives an interesting view on diverse and often obscure subjects such as the USFL, the death of Len Bias, and the advent of Rotisserie baseball (excessively excited to watch that one…seriously).

Last night was the season finale of the Jersey Shore. If you’ve been living under a rock for the past few months then you may not know about the Jersey Shore. It’s a reality TV show produced by MTV (who else) surrounding the lives of 8 self proclaimed guidos and guidettes living in a beach house in Seaside Heights. It’s absolutely terrible, probably the worst TV show ever made and that’s bad considering The Hills has a dozen spin-offs. But in its odiousness it is actually pretty brilliant. It’s like watching a sex show in Amsterdam featuring a midget and a half-ton chick. You don’t want to watch, but you’re absolutely absorbed by the horrific scene in front of you.

I also watched a horrific scene unfold in the Leafs game last night against the Lightning. No point talking about a loss that has a dozen identical games. Either they get blown out huge or lose late in gut wrenching fashion. Where’s the intrigue?

In honour of these two monstrosities I’m unveiling the most vacuous post you will ever see on this site. I’m going to attempt to analyze each Jersey Shore cast member and find their Toronto Maple Leafs counterpart. Have I undertaken a task too large? Have I completely lost it? Watching the Toronto Maple Leafs play this season has done this to me.

Enjoy.

I’m a hater. Big time. It’s already well documented in the brief history of this website. I also hate pickles, incorrect use of there/their/they’re, and tennis. I do not hate Bryan McCabe. Neither should you. Booing McCabe’s returns to Toronto is ignorant.

Here’s a man who did everything he possibly could have as a member of the Toronto Maple Leafs and is now hated unconditionally. Cheering the return of Darcy Tucker, while simultaneously condemning McCabe’s is hypocritical.

As you may know, I love CBC’s coverage of hockey every Saturday night. The one aspect of the show that needs to be changed is Mike Milbury’s presence. I understand they have him there to say stupid things and create fodder for the rest of the pundits, but enough. This man is colossally stupid. Even worse, when Al Strachan is on the hot stove, it’s like watching two infants debate the feasibility of time-travel. There’s a reason Milbury beat a man with his loafers, he’s certifiably bat-shit crazy.

First, how a man can ever get a job speaking to millions after going into the crowd during a game and beating a man with his shoe is beyond me. Amazingly, that isn’t even how he acquired the nickname “Mad Mike”. Yes, beating someone with their own shoe isn’t the craziest thing this man has done.

Rick DiPietro, initially slated for a mid-December return, had a set-back in his rehab from knee injury. The Islanders are seeking additional medical opinions on their young netminder who left an AHL game last Friday with leg stiffness. It was only his second game of a conditioning assignment. He hasn’t played in the NHL since last January. Since signing a 15-year, $67.5 million contract before the start of the 2006-2007 season DiPietro has played a total of 130 games. However, he has only played five since last season. This is only one of the major reasons teams should be wary of signing their players to such long-term deals.

The DiPietro deal was perplexing on multiple levels. First, he really only had one good year prior to the contract extension. In the year before the lockout he won 23 games with a 2.36 GAA and .911 save percentage. He even recorded 5 shutouts. After sitting out the lockout, DiPietro returned with mediocre numbers in 2005-2006 and was then rewarded with his major deal. I can’t fault the Isles for re-signing their franchise goalie, but the term is ridiculous. How can you give a 15-year deal to a young player you don’t really know much about. It wasn’t like he was consistently producing since draft day. The second reason this deal was perplexing is because the Islanders already locked up a 28 year-old Alexei Yashin for 10 years and $87.5 million in 2001. Didn’t they learn after Yashin’s production declined precipitously to the point where the Isles bought him out in March 2007? In fact, the Isles will be paying for Yashin until the 2015.

The Islanders case study should be a warning to the rest of the league. Long-term deals are very risky. I guess the real effects of these long-term contracts won’t be realized until the next decade when many of today’s stars begin to age. Over the past years we’ve seen long-term deals given to Marian Hossa (12 years, $62.8 million), Duncan Keith (13 years, $72 million), Henrik Zetterberg (12 year, $73 million), Johan Franzen (11 years, $43.5 million), Mike Richards (12 years, $69 million), Vincent Lecavalier (11 years, $85 million), Roberto Luongo (12 years, $64 million), and Alexander Ovechkin (13 years, $124 million). This does not even include players like Chris Pronger who signed long-term deals in their mid-30s that will last until their early 40s.

Each of these deals has varying degrees of risk to them. The Mike Richards deal is probably the safest considering the reasonable cap hit and the contract will conclude before he is 35. Both the Hossa and Lecavalier deals are probably the riskiest considering they were both signed close to 30 years old and are signed until their early 40s. These deals are risky because there is no way that near the end of these deals, when they are mid-to-late 30s, these players can match their production in the 20s.

One of the most confusing teams in the league is the Anaheim Ducks (or is it the Los Angeles Ducks of Anaheim?). Trading Chris Pronger in the summer certainly weakened their team, but not to the point where they should be languishing near the bottom of the league. The only teams worse are the Leafs and Hurricanes. That isn’t right for a team that has Ryan Getzlaf, Corey Perry, and Bobby Ryan. Despite their abysmal start, the Ducks could be in a position to ensure their future success is secure. With the right moves this is a team that can quickly turn itself into a Western Conference powerhouse.

The Chicago Blackhawks announced a trio of signings today and, in the process, solidified their competitiveness for the foreseeable future. The Hawks signed Patrick Kane and Jonathan Toews to identical 5-year deals worth $6.3 million per season, while signing Duncan Keith to a monster 13-year deal worth $5.5 million per season. While signing these three players was absolutely essential for the Hawks, the deals do come with some negative consequences.

The first negative is the Hawks' dwindling cap space. This is a product of some questionable deals made by Dale Tallon a few years ago. The major problem is Brian Campbell and his salary of $7+ million per year. Oh, there’s still six years left after this season. Campbell isn’t playing horribly. He has 14 points and is plus-6, although he only has one goal. However, if you’re paying a player over $7 million a season you’d like more production than that. The second problem is Christobal Huet, who is making over $5.5 million for the next two seasons. His production is acceptable and solid goaltending doesn’t come cheap, but this isn’t the best contract. The Hawks cap issue is also compounded by the Marian Hossa signing. Hossa is an awesome talent, but at the time I thought that signing would create trouble for the Hawks both in the immediate future (now) and in the long term (since Hossa is signed for 12 years—until he is 42). These signings created the cap problems the Hawks now face.

There are rumours that the team president, John McDonough, pushed these free agent signings because he didn’t believe the young Hawks were ready to take the next step without help. The media savvy McDonough also desired to make a large splash in the Chicago sports market. It may have been prudent to wait, since the young Hawks such as Toews, Kane, Keith, Cam Barker, Brent Seabrook, Kris Versteeg, Dustin Byfuglien and Dave Bolland have progressed so rapidly. Although Chicago was the laughingstock of the league for over a decade, so I can’t entirely fault the management for wanting to create a winner at the first opportunity. And if the Hawks are able to win the Stanley Cup this year then the moves will be successful. However, if the Hawks are unable to achieve the Stanley Cup they will not have the same team to make another deep run next spring.

Don Cherry needs to be stopped. I can put up with the subtle racism and blatant xenophobia, but I will not stand for his latest verbal proclamation. Last Saturday’s Coach’s Corner featured Don showing clips of Joe Thornton, Patrick Marleau, and Dany Heatley, while exclaiming this is your No. 1 line Canada. Oh, please.

Just the second post and I'm beginning to wonder if this season will be too psychologically damaging for me to handle, especially if I need to write about it. Well, I last said I was a classic Leafs fan in the way that I experience the highs and lows and tonight's match-up really tested this means of "enjoying" the Leafs. When Ian White scored to make it 5-4 I let out an emphatic "yes!" Unfortunately, when Erik Cole responded I was in shambles. I thought I was going to cry. After that the finale was a foregone conclusion. I needed a shower to cleanse myself.

I've decided that in order to get through this rough spell, which encompasses the entire post-lockout, I can't dwell on the negatives. Therefore, I'm embarking on the first post in a series called Reasons To Keep Watching. This way I can shield myself from self-inflicting psychological damage and avoid moving to a country that watches soccer.

The first reason to keep watching the Leafs is the continued progression of Ian White.

There is a disturbing sub-type of Leafs fan developing. They are the self-loathing Leafs fan. There is a striking similarity between this Leafs fan and the fans of the Boston Red Sox prior to their cathartic 2004 World Series win. (I should note that I mean cathartic for Red Sox fans, not for everyone else who now has to experience an even more aggravating Bostonian).