Some drink to celebrate; Leafs fans drink to forget.

This was a column I planned on retiring. For the first five months of the season it looked like I might get that chance. Then the Leafs went into an unprecedented tailspin­—described by Brian Burke as a 18-wheeler going over the cliff, but really more like if that 18-wheeler was carrying a nuclear warhead and decimated the entire city of Toronto on impact.

If you've totally given up on hockey and decided to become a widow until you get some irrational pre-season hope, I don't blame you. Baseball is here and the Blue Jays were a Spring Training juggernaut, which everyone knows is a guarantee for success (spring optimism!). Throw yourself head first into baseball and never look back.

If the only amount of interest you can muster is for the money you dream of winning in your playoff pool, well you might prefer to read this.

For the brave souls that wish to watch playoff hockey and need to find some team to give your temporary loyalty, while still letting those abusive Maple Leafs keep your heart, I present the 2012 Torontonian Guide to the Playoffs.