The Conference Finals begin tomorrow and in the infinite wisdom of Gary Bettman and the NHL they will both start on the same day. Stupid. This is definitely to placate NBC who tend to bear with slotting the NHL on Sunday afternoons.

The Western Conference Finals begin at 2:30 pm and feature the (1) Sharks and the (2) Blackhawks. The Eastern Conference Finals start at 7:00 pm and feature the (7) Flyers and the (8) Canadiens. The seedings immediately jump out. The playoffs are a wacky time.

To get everyone ready for the big match-ups I have prepared a comprehensive breakdown of both Conference Finals. I’ll post the Eastern Conference breakdown sometime tomorrow afternoon. Maybe I’ll be nursing a hang-over and will fill it with plenty of bitter jabs at the Habs.

But for now here’s the Western Conference breakdown.

The Pittsburgh Penguins’ round two defeat at the hands of the improbable Montreal Canadiens left a sour taste in my mouth. Once the Canadiens eliminated the Capitals I thought that the Penguins path to the Cup final was all but sealed. Maybe they thought the same thing.

As well as Montreal played, which was much better than Pittsburgh over the final three games of the series, there were fundamental differences between this year’s Penguins team and the one that won the Stanley Cup a year ago. Those differences played a large role in the Penguins' early playoff exit.

It is still shocking that the Penguins lost in the second round to the Canadiens, but maybe it isn’t so shocking that the Penguins were unable to make it back to the finals for the third time in a row.

I’m limiting this discussion to what was fundamentally wrong with the Penguins, not what the Habs did right throughout the series. Obviously, Jaroslav Halak was brilliant, the defence shut down both Crosby and Malkin, and Mike Cammalleri scored big goals often. You could even argue that the Bell Centre crowd shifted all the momentum in Montreal’s favour before game 6 even started. But I don't want to talk positively about the Canadiens any longer than I have to.

Here are the three main reasons why the Penguins are shaving their beards, rather than progressing to the Viking stage of facial hair (Sidney Crosby not included).

I started writing this last night when Montreal was winning 4-0. Very soon after I began the Penguins made it 4-2. I thought they were coming back. Maybe if I kept writing under the theory that the Habs had the game wrapped up they would blow it in horrible fashion thanks to my reverse jinx. Or maybe saying I was reverse jinxing them on twitter actually reverse jinxed my reverse jinx. Montreal winning is making me insane. I need to be committed.

I really don’t know how Montreal did it. First Washington, now Pittsburgh. What happened?

I have some questions that need to be answered.

A thousand pardons for my temporary disappearance from the interwebs. Well, not total disappearance because I’ve been cracking jokes at the expense of the Habs on twitter - because trying to make a handful of strangers laugh is the only thing worthwhile about twitter. The worst thing about twitter, aside from the absolute lack of thought required for it, is people who live tweet sports. We get it, you’re watching the game. So are we. We saw the goal.

Talking about twitter is worse than actually being on twitter. Alas.

Another reason for my temporary disappearance may be a job change. That’s really just an excuse because I was working pretty much the same amount of hours for the majority of this blog’s life at my previous job.

The real reason may be the lack of Maple Leaf news. I can’t just write pieces trashing Montreal and Vancouver non-stop. It’s been hard restraining myself. However, this isn't why I've been away.

The true reason I haven’t posted in some time is I’m rattled. I’ve been having night terrors. Terrible dreams that haunt me. Really it’s one dream. It’s a striking image that I can’t seem to shake.